I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The uberlube is also flammable
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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