i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
