maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
