I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
