I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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