dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
