you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
