How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
