he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You are the jesus of drinking
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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