I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How's work?
Spinning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
