How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
