Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
