remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
