i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
