its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize