you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
