Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
