Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize