The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
