My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
