Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
