I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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