Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
