Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
