Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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