Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
