I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
