anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
