remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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