Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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