wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
