she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
