Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
