so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
