perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
