No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
