Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
