I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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