she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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