people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
