Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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