when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
