You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
