she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
