Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
