whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
