I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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