Are we in a gay sports bar?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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