how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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