were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
