Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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