so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
