No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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