What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
