Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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