Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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