allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
