come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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