i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
