I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize