haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i will never coherently bang her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
