put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You ruined the universe
Randomize
