Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
