I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
