It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
