Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize