Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
