his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
