What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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