I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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