You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this will be a night to untag.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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