I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
