Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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