Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
