I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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