Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We left the knife in your bed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize