When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
