i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
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