do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
