At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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