my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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