Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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