Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
