No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
