Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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