Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
