Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
well you can't waste a boner
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
