I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
