Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
