he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
