If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How does one acquire holy water?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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