dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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