no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
