I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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