Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
