We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
