I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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