is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
