come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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