i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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