yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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