2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
