I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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